


All Our Should Have Beens

by Tigertarkla45



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alien Sex, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:08:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22749865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tigertarkla45/pseuds/Tigertarkla45
Summary: An Alternate Universe where Garrus meets Shepard prior to joining the crew on the Normandy SR1. The first chapter is a bit of a prologue.
Relationships: Female Shepard & Garrus Vakarian, Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47





	1. Before

**Author's Note:**

> If it particularly matters, Farah has the Colonist/War Hero background for this fic.

If you were going to dance in this sort of place, you needed to know how to defend yourself. At least that is what Grenek had told her when he showed her how to throw a proper punch. You had to use whatever you had at your disposal. That's what Pelia told her when she discovered Farah was biotic. The two of them, a krogan bouncer and an Asari dancer turned bartender, well they were the closest things to parents that she could remember. 

She could never be quite sure how she ended up here, on the citadel, working in a sleazy bar down in the wards, at only 14. There are vague recollections of a happy enough existence on a colony world, then terror, then those alliance soldiers coming. Somehow, after the rescue, she had slipped through the cracks. Initially she had made it through by joining up with the other lost children. She had matured quickly though, and the allure of a more stable existence had gotten her to step into Jarek’s, to ask for a job. The clientele at Jarek’s never questioned her age, they just peered as she danced, as she got drinks, their hands grasping. It wasn't ideal work but it kept her fed. 

Four years had turned her into a veteran of the scene. She danced, she earned tips and if someone got too grabby she took them out. Tonight, there wasn't much going on. A crowd of rowdy alliance marines were occupying one corner of the bar. They seemed to be focused on getting one man in their midst particularly drunk. They are of little concern to her. More concerning are the pair of batarians standing just a little too close to the stage. Batarians always make her a little uncomfortable. There is something undefinable in the air as well, she had been feeling it for the last few days, ever since she passed her 18th birthday. Change is coming. 

The last thing David wants to do is get drunk in some sleazy bar. Somehow Erik had learned about his divorce though and he had dragged him out to celebrate, or to forget. Erik never liked his wife, ex-wife that is, all that much. He supposes that carousing with the rowdy group Erik had scraped together is probably better than moping around in his quarters. 

David takes a long draw from the blue drink that somebody had pressed into his hands and slowly peruses the bar. It isn’t particularly busy outside of their big group. A couple of turians, a krogan bouncer, the Asari bartender, and a couple of batarians watching a human girl dance to upbeat music.

David winces when he sees the girl. She looks a bit too young to be doing this sort of work, and definitely too young to look so jaded about it. One of the batarians grabs at her leg and she shakes him off as the krogan approaches the stage. 

“I suggest you fellas go somewhere else before this is a problem.”

The grabby batarian turns to face the krogan, fists half raised but his friend grabs him by the shoulder and shakes his head. He sneers at the krogan and with one last leer back at the dancer they leave. The dancer throws the krogan a grateful smile before resuming her routine. 

Soon the group decides that the bar is too tame for their needs and so it's off to find something more to their taste. David gives one last look back at the dancer, she really is too young for this. He could practically be her father. 

A few bars and way too many drinks later he and Erik are winding their way back to their quarters. There’s a yelp of surprise that catches his attention. He swivels his head in the direction of the noise and catches the sight of the dancer from the first bar, wearing considerably more clothes now, struggling with a pair of batarians, the same ones from before. 

“Hey.” David's shout seems to come out a bit slurred. He takes two steps towards the scene but suddenly one of the batarians is lifted off the ground and slung into a nearby building. He hits it with a thud and slumps to the ground. David blinks, but the fading blue light around the girl suggests she is a biotic. She takes a much more hands on approach to the batarian still within her reach. She slams a fist into his face, once, twice, three times till the batarian starts to double in pain. Then she delivers a swift kick to his side to finish him off. With a groan he falls to the ground. 

She looks up, eyes still blazing, and catches David's eyes. It's only then that he realizes that he never stopped walking towards her. 

“Are you alright?” He's feeling a little more sober now and his speech comes out even. 

She nods, sniffing while wiping a small cut on her lip with the back of her hand. 

“You know, if you can fight like that, you might consider enlisting in the alliance. There's a real drive to get biotics into the ranks. You could maybe make something out of my life.”

She stares at him, considering his words. 

“Who's to say I haven't already made something out of it?”

David shrugs. “it's just another option.”

“Options are always good.” She glances behind him, “your friend is about to fall over.”

David glances behind him to see a weaving Erik. When he turns back around the girl is disappearing around the corner. David mentally shrugs. She would have been a good soldier. 


	2. Blowing Off Some Steam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard discovers a new way to blow off some steam when she takes a break from N7 training and meets Garrus on the Citadel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sex in this chapter... eventually.

Farah takes a deep breath of artificially balanced air as she steps out of the transport and onto the busy loading dock. It's been almost 5 years since she stepped foot on the citadel. She could have come back sooner she supposes but there was never much of a point. After seeing her off to basic training both Pelia and Grenek left the citadel. Pelia to go work on omega with a past friend of hers and Grenek back to Tuchunka on some clan business. Other than them she had no one else she cared to see. 

A loud whoop hits her ear and she ducks just in time to miss the arm of a fellow soldier. Paulo, another one of the N7 candidates laughs and gives her a light punch. 

“You’re no fun, chica.” He says with a smile. 

“Fun doesn't get you where I want to go, Paulo.” She says with a scowl. 

He nudges her with his elbow. “Come on, lighten up.”

“Leave her alone, Paulo.” Emily says with mock seriousness, “Don't you know Shepard is going to be an admiral someday.” She breaks into a smile then and nudges Farah with her shoulder as she joins the group. “Come on, lighten up a little, okay.”

Farah gives her a tight smile and lets out a deep breath. 

“That's the spirit.” Paulo rejoins “We've been busting our asses for the last 6 weeks, we definitely deserve a break.”

“We deserve alcohol" Emily says

“And dancing"

“Decent food"

“And girls” Paulo says while raising his eyebrows. 

“Don't be gross.” Emily gives him a shove

Farah shakes her head and follows after the bickering pair as they lead the way deeper into the citadel. They did deserve a break but she was not sure of their idea of fun actually matched up to hers. 

“Hey Vakarian, come on.”

Garrus jerks fully awake from where he had been half asleep watching traffic cams at c-sec headquarters. 

He stands and follows a fellow officer. 

“What’s going on?”

“Big disturbance down at Yerba’s. I've been telling brass to shut that place down for months now. Apparently some humans are going at it with some batarians.”

Garrus nods. It makes sense. The Batarians and humans aren't exactly on the best of terms lately and if he had learned anything about humans during his time on the citadel it was that they could hold a grudge. Not that three years was sufficient enough time to get to know about humans, especially since they still didn't seem to be keen on hanging around turians. 

It's a short ride to Yerba’s, and when they arrive the place is in chaos. Several other c-sec officers are trying to push through the crowd of bystanders with little luck. He elbows his way through, using his stun gun to motion people out of the way. Finally, he is able to push through enough to view the scene inside. A dozen or so batarians lie around the club, either unconscious or groaning in pain. To one side sits a pair of humans, the female cradling an arm, the male’s head resting in her lap. He looks unconscious. In the middle stands one lone human, a female. She stands, fists ready, breath heavy. A gash on her forehead spills bright red blood down over her face. Around her stand four batarians, vicious grins on their faces. For a moment he forgets he's supposed to stop whatever is going on and just stands in awe with the rest of the crowd. 

Don't back down. That's what Anderson had taught her. He has been her unofficial mentor since she enlisted. He had even recommended her for the N7 program. She will be damned if she lets him down. Sure, the fight could have been prevented, but those batarians had come in looking for a fight and three humans were just too easy of a target. Well they would have been, if those three humans hadn't been them. N7 candidates, the elite of the elite when it came to combat. Still 20 against three was a bit uneven. Farah spares a glance to check on Emily and Paulo. Emily gives her a quick nod to indicate they are fine. Farah can see the pain etched on Emily’s face though, it is a sure bet that her arm is broken, she had heard the sickening crunch as a batarian landed a lucky kick. And Paulo was still unconscious which is not good. 

She turns her attention back to the fight. Four more left. She can do this. Even in the midst of the fighting it had become pretty clear who, out of the three, was better at hand to hand combat. Emily and Paulo held their own but they had learned to fight in the Alliance, they were too controlled, too predictable. Farah only knew one way to fight, and that was to put it all on the line.

Out of the corner of her eye she catches movement and is able to turn quick enough to catch the batarian who is rushing her. With a shout she picks him up and slams him into the ground, sparks of blue energy weaving around her. He hits the ground hard, all the air whooshing out of him. The other three are wise enough to rush her together. One grabs her from behind, pinning her arms to her side as the others come in with fists. She growls in frustration, jerking her head back to catch the one behind her in his face. He yells in pain but his grip remains firm. 

Use what you have. Using the batarian holding her as a brace she brings her feet up. One of the others conveniently steps in front of her. She channels her biotic ability to her legs and lashes out. The kick sends one batarian flying and causes the other one to lose balance and fall backwards. He let's her go as they fall and somehow Farah is able to roll backwards and back onto her feet. She squares up against him, sizing him up, but before she can even land a punch he falls to the ground, writhing. It takes a while for her to comprehend what has happened until a voice calls out. 

“Stand down, human, or I will shoot you too.”

Farah looks up to see the c-sec officer, stun gun pointed in her direction. Behind him she sees the crowd of people, strangely quiet for its size. She lowers her arms, relaxing her fists. 

It kind of washes over then, exhaustion. Now that the adrenaline has run its course and she's won the fight, her body is ready to give in. She waivers a bit on her feet, then everything goes black. 

Garrus is trying to resist the urge to pace. He had been assigned to question the woman once she wakes up and recovers enough. He had never seen anyone fight like her, and he had seen a few fights. It had been brutal, but beautiful and well, if he is honest with himself, a little sexy. 

He shifts, suddenly a bit hot under his standard issue armor. The door beside him swooshes open and a tired looking Asari nurse steps out. She glances at him. 

“She’s, ready now, if you want to go in.”

He enters the room and pauses, a surprised cough coming from him. She sits on the edge of the hospital bed rolling a black shirt down over her head. Her waist is slender and Garrus can't help but wonder how firm it is as it disappears underneath the fabric. She gives her head a shake to free her copious amounts of hair from the collar of her shirt. She has a lot of it, and it seems to have a mind of its own. It stands out from her head in tight curls at all angles, looking impossibly soft and incredibly wild. She reaches up and gathers it together though, and somehow, with a twist here and a tug there, she contains it in a bun at the back of her neck. 

The woman clears her throat and Garrus realizes he's been staring for a while. 

“Uh, yes, I'm officer Vakarian with C-sec. I need to ask you some questions about the incident last night.”

She nods and sticks out a hand. Garrus is perplexed for a moment then remembers the human custom. He grips her hand and she gives his a firm shake before releasing it. 

“I'm LT. Shepard, with the alliance. Do you know how my friends are doing?”

Garrus nods. “The female has a broken arm but is in otherwise perfect condition. The male has a concussion but should recover as well. According to them, you didn't start the fight.”

“Strictly speaking, no. Those batarians came in looking for a fight.”

“And you certainly gave it to them.”

She lets out a low chuckle and Garrus has to suppress the shiver that wants to go through him. The sound is dangerously close to Turian subharmonics, one specific type of subharmonic in particular. 

“Well, considering the amount of batarians versus the amount of humans it doesn’t seem likely you guys started it.”

“We could have walked away at several points, but -"

“That's not really something you humans are good at, is it.”

She laughs again and Garrus nearly snaps his stylus in effort not to respond to the sound. “You’re a Turian, you ought to know.”

Garrus nods. “At any rate, none of the batarians want to press charges, so you are free to go. I just needed to question you to finish up some paperwork.”

“Eh, the batarians rarely ever press charges, they like to settle things on their own.”

“That’s what I am afraid of.”

“Don't worry, I promise to stay out of dark alleys. Besides, I can handle myself.”

“I noticed. What were you guys doing in a place like Yerba’s anyway? There’s nicer places on the citadel, more human places.”

She shrugs and hops off the edge of the bed. “Just letting off some steam.” She smiles up at him. She's not terribly short for a human but she only comes up to his shoulders. 

“Maybe you should find a better way to let off some steam.”

She tilts her head and looks up at him through her eyelashes. 

“I don't suppose you have any suggestions.”

Garrus’ throat goes dry. She is flirting with him. No, not just flirting, she is issuing a challenge. He clears his throat. 

“You may not be able to handle my suggestions.” He manages to spit out. 

Farah smiles a crooked smile. Now, here was something fun. Flirting with turians is always fun. More often than not they didn't even know they were being flirted with, not by a human anyway. Those who did figure it out either got hopelessly flustered or disgusted, either way it was interesting to see their reactions. None of them had ever flirted back, though. This is interesting. 

“Oh, I am sure I can handle anything,” she pauses for effect, letting her eyes wander up and down his frame, “ you could throw my way.” 

The stylus in officer Vakarian’s hand cracks. 

“That’s something I would have to see for myself. If you’re not just playing games, I get off in two hours, I could meet you…”

Farah lets out a low chuckle in effort to get her reactions under control. Flirting was always best when it was merely a version of verbal sparring in her opinion. She had thrown down the gauntlet with many other guys, but few had the wit to pick it up. A sudden flare of true interest flashes through her.

“Games? Anyone who knows me knows that I only play games I intend to win.” 

Vakarian let's out a subharmonic incapable of being translated. Out loud he says. 

“Meet me here in 3 hours.”

There is a ding and Farah glances at the location he has sent to her omnitool. 

The Turian leans down towards her, so his mouth is close to her ear. 

“Don't worry, if you don't show up, I won't hold it against you.” He stands back to his full height “it just means I won.”

Farah crosses her arms. “what did I tell you about me and winning.” 

He chuckles. “we’ll see.” He turns to leave the room, “until later.” He says over his shoulder. The minute the door swooshes closed behind him, Farah leans back against the bed and brings a hand to her neck. She can feel the frantic rhythm of her pulse. Was he really suggesting what she thought he was? Was she actually going to go through with it? Yes, of course she is, because beneath the challenge, and the urge to win, she is incredibly turned on. 

The lift is thankfully empty when Garrus gets on. He turns and rests his head against the wall. What the fuck was he thinking? She had flirted with him, a human had flirted with him. And he had flirted back, even worse, he had been turned on. Even now, remembering the sound of her laugh sent blood rushing to his slit. How did that even work, a Turian and a human? 

Not that it mattered. There was no way she was going to show up later. Still, he turns so his back is up against the wall, it wouldn't hurt to be prepared. He types in a few search terms and enlarges the first detailed diagram he finds. Oh god, he hopes she doesn’t show up. The doors slide open and he hastily closes the diagram and walks back into c-sec headquarters. 

The next few hours go by intolerably slow. His mind just isn’t on his work. He files his report then goes back to traffic cam monitoring. His mind keeps drifting though, to Shepard, to the diagram, to the way she laughed, to the way she looked, blood dripping down her face, ready to take on the world. Finally, his time at work is through. 

It takes him 15 minutes to get to his apartment. 30 minutes to change out of his armor and into something more casual. It should have taken him less time but he couldn't decide what he should wear. The first was too formal, the second too casual. The final outfit he isn’t completely satisfied with but It will have to do. It takes 5 minutes to get to the meeting place. Then another 5 minutes of waiting. She isn’t going to show, no way she is going to show. 

Oh hell, she is running late. She should have never told Emily and Paulo. She tugs at the hem of the too short skirt. She hasn’t worn something this revealing since her days as a dancer. She takes a peek down at the open toed high heels, good thing that walking in these was like riding a bike. The hair is a bit much perhaps, but fuck it, you don't seduce a Turian everyday. 

The door to the lift opens and she takes a deep breath. Oh god, she shouldn't have let Paulo show her those diagrams. This is going to be impossible. She steps out of the lift, her shoes clicking along the floor. She looks casually around. 

What if he doesn’t show up? How humiliating. No. It would be his loss. The coward better be there. Her gaze lands on a Turian casually leaning against a pillar. He looks different in casual clothes… hotter somehow. Right then, shoulders back, she had this. 

It is 5 minutes past their meeting time. She isn’t going to show. Garrus stands staring blindly out into the crowd. He is disappointed. How could he be disappointed? God, he is an idiot. 

“So, you made it Vakarian.”

He turns to the sound of his name and when he takes in the sight of her, he swears he forgets how to breath. She tilts her head and her barely contained hair shifts slightly. She’s taller, his gaze travels down to her feet, encased in shoes with heels that must be 6 inches high. To get there though his eyes must travel over an seemingly impossible amount of leg. 

She takes a step closer. “Sorry I'm late, I'm glad you waited.” She gives him a half smile. 

His gaze makes it back to her eyes. Dark and smiling. “I wanted to make sure that I won.”

She chuckles and again the noise goes right through him. 

“You haven't won yet mister.”

Garrus reaches up and runs a hand over his fringe. He hadn't expected her to show up so he's not entirely sure what to do. 

“So… do you want to get something to eat?”

“No. Umm… What is your first name anyway?”

“Garrus.”

“Garrus.” She repeats it after him and he swears it sounds better coming from her lips. “I'm Farah by the way. So, Garrus. I just want to be clear. This isn't a date. I'm here to have sex and that's it. I have goals, plans, and well they don't include dating anybody, especially not some Turian who works on the citadel. So, if you want more than that, well, you're not going to get it.”

“Just sex, no relationship.”

“Right.” 

There is a pause as he contemplates. He really hadn't gotten much past potentially having sex with her honestly. He hadn't considered… and well, dating a human would be out of question. Having sex with her was going to push enough boundaries as it was. 

“Okay.”

She smiles up at him. “Great, so where are we going?”

Well, there was no backing down now. He offers her his arm and she links hers through it. It's a short walk back to his apartment and she chats to fill the awkwardness between them. 

“You know, I've never been to this area before. This place is so big.”

“Have you been to the citadel much?”

“I used to live here, for like 6 years, but it was a while ago, and I mostly stuck around Zakeera ward.”

“Do your parents still live here?”

“No, they never did, they died when some batarian slavers raided our colony.”

“Oh, I'm sorry.”

She shrugs, “I don't really remember them much to be honest. They were always busy, too busy to spend much time with me. I've got Pelia and Grenek now so it's all good.”

They arrive at his apartment and he shows her in. She releases his arm and wanders about in the fairly small place. 

“It's very neat, seems to be a thing with you turians though.”

“Have you ever...? With a turian.”

“No. Mostly humans, an Asari once. Have you?”

“Not with a human.”

“Cool, so we are both on the same level then. Makes everything fair.”

“How come everything you say sounds like a challenge? Like we are going to fight instead of, well you know.”

“Fuck. I like to fight, you can forget everything, it's just you and the person you’re going to take down. I like my sex like that too.”

She sits down on the edge of the bed. 

“Not everyone approaches things that way.”

She lets her knees fall apart a bit, causing the skirt to ride further up her legs. Garrus swallows. 

“Is it going to be a problem?”

Garrus approaches her, stepping between her legs. 

“Can the shoes stay on?”

She laughs and the sound reverberates through him. Considering the situation he doesn't quell his response, he simply responds in kind, his subharmonics filling the room. He reaches down a grasps her waist, hoisting her further up onto the bed. She lets out a gasp as she lands softly. He strips off his shirt, hesitates for a moment then decides to leave the pants for now. He joins her on the bed, half kneeling over her. She no longer wears a smile on her face but she reaches up and runs her fingers over his plates, to the more sensitive flesh in between. Garrus groans. 

“Does that feel good?” She asks. 

He can only nod as she finds a particularly sensitive spot that sends blood rushing to his slit. She hums deep in her throat and it sounds so goddamn sexy. He reaches for her, his hand tracing the length of her body. Her waist is firm, but soft as well. He touches her stomach and he feels the flex of her muscles underneath her skin, beneath the dress. The dress itself is interesting, made of a sort of stretchy metallic fabric. It hugs her like a second skin, at least in the parts it covers. Which is admittedly not much. Her shoulders are bare and the swell of her breasts are just beginning to peak over the top. Plus at this point her legs are all but bare. 

His hands continue their exploration of her body. To his surprise almost every part of her is sensitive to his touch but she seems to like it particularly when he palms her breasts and gently kneads them. She surges up against him and lets out a moan of pleasure. 

“Enough" she finally says.

She hooks her legs within his somehow and the next thing he knows, he's laying on his back with her straddling his waist. She tugs at the hem of her dress and peels it from her body. Now nothing covers her except for a small strip of fabric her mons. That was the proper term according to the diagrams. 

She reaches down to his waistband and undoes the fastenings then peels them down over his hips. He tilts his hips up and she falls forward as he kicks his pants off. She braces herself over his body and bends to press her lips to his neck. What starts off as kisses turns into little nips as she scrapes her teeth across his skin. Garrus rumbles in his chest and she hums in response. He grips her ass and lifts her, his erection, now free from its slit probes her. 

“Just a moment.” She pushes herself up with one arm and with the other hand she tugs at the strip of fabric. With a snap it comes off and she flings it away. She lowers herself down, her slickness engulfing his cock. When she has all of him inside her, she pauses. 

“You’re big.”

“Is that bad?”

“God no.”

She lifts herself up off of him slowly. Then she lowers herself. It's agony, it's bliss. She sets up a rhythm of riding his cock, it's slow and deliberate. Not what he's expecting but he enjoys watching parts of her jiggle with her movements and the way she braces her hands on his chest and closes her eyes, seeming to savor each sensation. He's also enjoying the sound of it all, the wet slick as he withdraws from her, the small slap when she takes all of him inside again, the little moans as they perform this dance. 

It turns out fucking a Turian is easier than she was led to believe. Though, he is a bit bigger than any guy she's had before. It feels different with him between her legs too. The hard plates on his legs are a bit rough, but not unpleasantly so, almost like stubble on human males. She doesn’t mind it. 

She rides him slowly, eyes closed so she can focus on the sensation of him. There’s quite a difference in shape from humans as well. Definitely not a bad one though, as he seems to be perfectly shaped to stimulate her vaginal walls. 

He lets out another one of those low sounds and his hands squeeze down on her ass. Then suddenly she finds herself shifting as he flips her over on her back, holding her to him so he doesn't slip from her. She opens her eyes in surprise and her hands fall to the bed. 

“I’m sorry, I just…”

He begins to drive into her, setting a much quicker pace than she had before. It feels good. She starts to reach up to him but he captures her arms by the wrists and pins them above her head. She tugs at them but his grip is firm but not bruising. Somehow, being unable to touch him with her hands makes everything seem to sharpen. She begins to buck her hips in time with his movement, their hips meeting with hard slaps. Oh god, she's close. 

“Fuck" she nearly screams

Garrus pauses his movements, lessening the hold on her wrists. 

“Do you want me to stop?”

“Don't you fucking dare.”

He lets out a sound that could have been a subharmonic but sounds like a laugh to her. She lifts her legs and wraps them about his hips, allowing him to sink deeper into her, then she tightens herself around him. The low rumble he emits next is most definitely not a laugh. She has no time to revel in the small victory because his pounding becomes faster, more frantic, and she's lost in the sensation of it. Glorious tension builds up in her body till suddenly it snaps and with a cry she lets herself fall into the sensation. 

Garrus’s climax is not far behind hers. It's all he can do to hold himself up off of her as his hips slowly pump through the rest of the climax. He shifts so they are now laying side by side, her legs tangled in his. Her hair lays half across his sheets and half plastered to the sweat that sheens over her body which lies soft and relaxed in his loose embrace. 

She makes a humming noise in the back of her throat then slowly drags her eyes open. 

“That was… fantastic.”

Garrus can't help but feel his pride balloon a bit, though if he's honest, it's never been like that for him before. 

“I agree.”

She rolls a bit, so she's on her stomach, then props herself up on her elbows so she is looking more directly at him. 

“You know, we should do this again.”

“Tonight?”

“No, I mean I would definitely be up for another round tonight, but what I meant is like in the future.”

“I thought you said no dating.”

“It wouldn't be dating, but if I found myself on the citadel and you happened to be available we could maybe, you know…”

“Blow off some steam.”

“Yeah. Would you be interested in that?”

It occurs to him that she may be nervous about his answer with the way she is dragging her fingers over the sensitive skin between his plates. Does he really want to continue this sort of encounter though? It's fairly common among turians, but not with a human. He glances down to where her hand has wandered down his chest. 

“Yes, I would be very interested in that.”

She lets out the breath she is holding. 

“Now, about the rest of tonight?” he asks

“I've got three more hours, you can have all of them.”


	3. An Agreement of Sorts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard spends some quality time with Garrus while recovering from some injuries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Featuring the Ryder twins' mum.

In retrospect, having a Turian fuck buddy probably wasn't the brightest idea Farah had come up with, but damn did it feel good. Her duties to the alliance keep her busy but whenever she has shore leave she finds herself on the citadel, waiting in that little square close to his apartment. 

The sex is good, holy hell it is good, but beyond that there is trust. Garrus doesn’t break the rules. He doesn't’ pry into her past. He doesn’t try to make their encounters more than they are. He simply took whatever she is willing to give and gives the like in return. She had tried similar arrangements in the past but her partners had always wanted more of her and she didn't have more to give. She belonged to the alliance, heart, body and soul. Her entire being revolved around it. No one seemed to understand that, except perhaps Anderson. Still she couldn't deny her body’s needs, and her body needed Garrus. 

Admittedly, this little arrangement he had with Farah was a bad idea. If his family ever found out he was screwing around with a human, well it would be a mess. In his more sane moments, when he hadn't been with her for like a month and her scent had finally worked itself out of his apartment he would make a promise to himself to break things off, to end it while he was ahead. When that message came through, (it was never much of a message just “meet me?) he always answered and by the time he met her in the square his craving for her had turned into an insatiable need. 

It was lust, pure and simple, or maybe not so pure. She liked it hard and fast and their couplings were always… vigorous. He came to know her body almost as well as his own. How to touch her, where to touch her, how to elicit those little noises she made. This all despite how infrequently they saw each other, usually every two to three months. He would have liked to see her more often, but this was probably for the best. If he was going to be an idiot, the least he could do is not be an idiot on a frequent basis. 

This latest stretch had been particularly long though, 6 months. Part of him is a little concerned yet he knew her life in the alliance could keep her away for long periods of time. Still when he happens to catch a glimpse of her on the news screens he pauses to listen to the words. 

“Commander Shepard has been awarded the Star of Terra for her recent actions on Elysium where she protected the colony against an attack.”

The screen goes on to show a very stern faced Shepard standing stiffly while a medal is pinned to her chest. She doesn’t show any emotion, just shakes the hand of the person handing her the medal. The screen changes to a different story and Garrus moves on. He wonders if earning a medal also earns her some time off, but he guesses not when two days later he still hasn’t heard anything. 

Tonight when he gets off from work Neria, a fellow turian c-sec officer catches up with him. 

“Hey Vakarian, mind if I walk with you, I think we live in the same ward.”

Garrus nods his consent and they fall into easy conversation as they walk. He likes Neria, she is about the same age as him and they had gone through some basic training together. She is easy to talk to and came from a good family. In fact, she would be the kind of mate his family would encourage him to be with, but for the life of him he couldn’t dredge up any interest. 

Once they reach the square they pause.

“You know, if you wanted to spend some time together, on a more one on one basis, my apartment is just up there.” Neria states, motioning with her arm. 

Garrus coughs in surprise. “Umm… maybe, I’ll think about it.” his voice trails off as he suddenly catches sight of a familiar figure. 

She’s sitting at a food cart, slowly eating what appears to be noodles. Her hair is tamed, falling in a long braid down the middle of her back. She wears casual clothes, pants and a baggy shirt. Usually she comes here dressed in those short tight dresses so it seems unusual. Neria follows his gaze. 

“Isn’t that the human who was awarded that fancy medal recently? She's been on the news. I wonder what she is doing here?”

“I don’t know. Look, I’ll catch up with you later, I gotta go.”

Distractedly he starts towards Farah, pulling up his messages on his omnitool to see if perhaps he had missed one, but no, there are no new messages from her. He slides into the seat next to her and she glances over, slurping a noodle into her mouth. 

“Hey, Garrus.”

She looks tired. He’s never seen her look so tired.

“Hey. You didn’t tell me you were going to be here.”

“I hadn’t decided if I wanted to see you yet. I was thinking probably not, I’m not really in the best shape for things.”

“Oh, why are you here?”

“I’m on leave and I had to come to the citadel for… stuff. This is the only place I am familiar with besides Zakeera ward. Less people know me up here and I wanted to be left alone.”

“My apartment would be quieter than here, you know.”

“I wouldn’t be able to, you know. Hanging out isn’t really our thing.”

“It could be our thing, just this once.”

She stares and gives her head a jerky shake. He watches as she pushes herself up from the stool and transfers the necessary credits to the cashier. She waivers a bit on her feet and reaches out to steady herself and he is there to take her arm. Real concern weaves through him. Something is definitely wrong. Her body seems thinner than he remembers and she never leans against people. 

“Why did you have to come to the citadel?”

“I am seeing one of the top experts in biotic implants. I got hit pretty hard on Elysium, it knocked some stuff loose.”

“Is that why you are feeling bad?”

“Partly.”

He guides her into the lift and she leans against the wall.

“Because of my injuries they found a bunch of cancerous growths. They had to be removed. It was a pretty big surgery, then I had to do nanotherapy for a week. It’s not as bad as how they had to do things in the past but it still takes a lot out of you.”

They exit the lift and she proceeds him into his apartment where she promptly collapses onto the couch. 

“I see.” 

“If I can get this implant business sorted out and then get healed up I can get back to doing what I do best. Anderson says that they won’t try to force retirement yet, I’m too valuable, but it may slow down my promotions.”

Garrus sits down next to her and she rearranges herself so that she is curled up beside him. She yawns. 

“I don’t know what I would do without the alliance. Can’t exactly go back to dancing, not like this anyway.”

Garrus absently strokes her shoulder as she drops into sleep. She was right, this wasn’t their agreement, but this, this is nice too. 

A few hours later a persistent pinging from her omnitool wakes Farah up. She squints at it then finally answers the call. 

“Commander Shepard, where are you?” Dr. Ryder’s voice comes over the line. 

Where was she? Her eyes adjust to the light in the apartment. Right, she was with Garrus. She glances over at him. He is asleep in a very awkward position. That couldn’t be comfortable. 

“I’m with a friend.” 

“You’re supposed to be in the hospital, where I can monitor you.”

“I don't like it there.”

“You need to be monitored, with all your recent trauma you are at risk. I offered to bring you home with me if the hospital is a problem.”

“No offense, Dr. Ryder, I'm sure your kids are lovely but I don't think I can handle being around a couple of teenagers right now. I've got my omnitool monitoring my vitals and it's set to notify if they stray too far from baseline. I'm fine.”

Dr. Ryder sighs. “You know that your physical trauma  _ isn't _ the only thing that needs monitoring. Your mental state has been flagged as well.”

“Why? I've been in worse combat situations, I've seen worse, done worse too.”

“It’s not because of your combat experience, it's because of -"

Farah cuts the doctor off, “Look, I realize that the ability to have kids is a big deal for some people but it isn't a big deal for me okay. The doctor who flagged me has notions stuck in the 21st century. It’s nonsense. The only thing that is fucking with my mental health right now is not being able to be on duty. Get me fit for duty doctor and everything will be fine.” 

The doctor lets out another long sigh. “Alright, I’m not going to fight you on this. Just make sure you show up for your next scan.”

“Right, at 1500, your lab.”

The doctor nods and the screen switches off. The time flashes on her onmitool. 0200, jesus, did that woman ever sleep. She looks over at Garrus, he’s awake now and watching her in silence. 

“You should go to bed. It would be more comfortable there.”

“Are you going to stay?”

“I should go.”

He reaches out to her, his hand softly caressing her shoulder. “Stay.”

She leans towards him then wraps her arms around his neck. He wraps his arms around her and stands. Her legs come to wrap around his waist and he carries her to the bed and softly lays her down. He crawls in next to her and lifts the blanket over her. She snuggles next to him and soon they both drop into sleep. 

It’s a novel feeling, waking up next to her. She’s warm and soft and it seems really hard to pull himself away from her. When he moves she wakes up with a mewl of protest. 

“I am sorry, I need to get ready for work.” 

She stretches. “It’s okay. Do you have a shower?”

“Yeah, you want to jump in before me?”

“If you don’t mind.”

“Go ahead.”

She disappears into the bathroom and he starts his preparations for the day. He’s preparing breakfast when she reemerges 15 minutes later. He sucks in a deep breath at the sight of her. She is thinner, her ribs and collarbone more prominent, and there is a long red line across the bottom of her abdomen. A recent scar. He can see all this because she is standing naked, only using the towel to dry her copious amounts of hair. 

“It’s from the nanotreatments. Usually I heal a little faster but the nanotreatments slow your healing for a bit.”

“What happened?”

“The exposure to eezo, it makes us prone to cancer. Some of us get biotic powers, some of us get cancer, and if you’re really lucky you get both. They didn’t catch it on my last physical, but when they were patching me up after Elysium they found it. It must have moved quickly. It can do that.”

“Your okay?”

“Sure, once Dr. Ryder fixes my head I’ll be back to normal. Only minus a few parts, nothing essential though.”

“So you’re okay?”

“Yeah, yeah - “ her voice breaks and tears start coming down her face. “Oh god, I’m sorry.”

She sits down on the edge of the bed and pulls her legs into herself. Garrus sits next to her, his hands hovering over her shoulders, unsure what to do. 

“You’re not okay.”

“No, I’m fine, I’m just feeling a lot of things. The doctors warned me about this, big hormonal shifts. I’m just, if I can’t go back to the Alliance.” she sniffs and wipes at her eyes. “I’m okay, you need to go to work. Do you have a shirt I can borrow until I can get these cleaned.”

“Er, yeah.” He gets up and rummages through his drawers and produces an older shirt. 

She pulls it over her head and giggles.

“It’s so big, and soft. I love it.” She buries herself in the shirt. “Can I stay here until my clothes are done?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Thanks.”

He leaves her there, snuggled into his shirt and he can’t help but think it would be nice if she was there when like that when he got home. 

It’s weird having so much downtime. After her clothes are clean she carefully folds Garrus’s shirt and leaves it on the bed then she heads out. It’s a slow day. She eats noodles, then calls Emily for a quick chat. Then she wanders around the nicer parts of the citadel, avoiding Zakeera ward and somehow managing to dodge the fans. Then it’s time for her scans. 

Dr. Ryder fusses over her, verifying her vitals before she begins the more invasive brain scan.

“Are you comfortable?”

“Yes.”

“You at least look like you got some sleep last night.”

“Better than I have had in awhile.”

“That is good, sleep is good for your recovery.” she attaches the leads to Farah’s head. “So, this friend, are they someone special?”

“He’s a good guy, probably shouldn’t be hanging around with the likes of me.”

“What’s wrong with you?”

“I know that I’m a pretty hot shit in the alliance but outside of that, I’m a fucking 0. Besides he’s a turian, so it’s not going to go anywhere.”

“A turian, how does that work?”

“Easier than you would think. You gotta watch out for the chaffing.”

“Well, it looks like things are progressing, but I want to give it another week to be on the safe side.” 

Farah sighs. “They won’t even let me on active duty for at least another month. This can wait. I just didn’t want to have to hang around the citadel for so long.”

“Well maybe your friend will be happy to have you around for a while.”

“Maybe.”

Garrus comes home that evening to find Farah standing awkwardly by his door. 

“Hi.”

“Hi.” He opens the door and motions for her to enter. 

She waits outside. 

“So, I was wondering, can I maybe crash at your place? I've gotta be here for at least another week and I can't spend all that time in the hospital. It will drive me nuts. I know it's not really our thing but…”

“Farah, you can stay as long as you need.”

“Cool, I can sleep on the couch.”

“You can sleep on the bed, it's more comfortable and you are recovering.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, are you coming in?”

She picks up her bag and he reaches and takes it from her. 

“Thank you. “

“Have you eaten?”

“Yeah. I got something down in the square.”

“Noodles?” he sets her bag to the left of the bed, the side he doesn't sleep on.

“I do eat more than noodles you know.”

“What did you have?” 

“Noodles.” she's grinning at him.

He chuckles and walks closer to her. She reaches up, her fingers playing along the skin of his neck. He pulls her towards him and on tiptoe she is able to place kisses along his jaw.

“Can we do this?”

“If you’re gentle.”

He softly drags his hand through her hair. He can do gentle. 

She’s never spent so much time with someone before. Never learned so much about someone. They still don't talk much about their lives but it's amazing how fast you learn a person's traits. How he likes to have the accessories on his sink arranged, how they sleep and just how you can fit next to them. How hot they like their tea, what movies they watch after a bad day. It's almost addicting getting to know Garrus like this.

When a week turns into two, Farah is almost relieved. It has been nice to be wrapped up in this cocoon of domesticity. 

The sex, it's good too, but in a different way than before. It's less urgent, softer. Garrus takes his time with her and his gentleness is achingly sweet. And waking up with him wrapped around her, well she has a sneaking suspicion that it's what home feels like. 

All good things must come to an end and at the end of two weeks her implants are back in order and Dr. Ryder has given her the all clear to return to duty. Even the the effects of the nanotherapy have cleared out and she’s beginning to feel more like herself. Still, she can't muster up the same enthusiasm for returning to duty as before. She’ll worry about that when she gets home. 

Home. The thought makes her pause, mostly hidden by a column placed by the entrance to the square. She's never called anyplace home before. She’s sort of staring blindly out into the square when her gaze lands on Garrus. Warmth spreads through her at the sight of him. 

“Shit.” she says softly to herself. 

Her vision widens to take in the full scene before her. Garrus is chatting with a female turian. The woman is only a little shorter than Garrus and she wears a jacket that has C-SEC emblazoned on the back. While Farah is by no means an expert in turian body language she knows enough to know that the woman is interested in Garrus. The woman reaches out and touches his shoulder. Very interested. 

Farah crosses her arms and leans against the column. Logic overweighs her first instinct of jealousy. Whatever agreement she and Garrus had, exclusivity never was part of it. She studies the female turian. She’s pretty even by Farah’s human biased standards, probably comes from a good family too. The right lineage and all that. She's probably much better for Garrus than her. The only good she had in her past started with joining the alliance. She closes her eyes against the scene. Yes, the alliance was what was important. She opens her eyes once again and punches a few buttons on her omnitool. It is time for her to go. 

Neria keeps Garrus chatting in the square longer than he likes. He’s anxious to see Farah again. It is a certain kind of addiction coming home to her every night the past two weeks. Part of him was aware that it wouldn't last though, that eventually she’ll be well enough to return to the Alliance. She had improved significantly over the last two weeks. Still, another part of him wants to wrap himself around her and never let go.

When he enters his apartment he finds Farah sitting on the couch, well perching really. Beside her is the bag she had brought with her, packed. It was time then. As he comes into the living area she stands. 

“You are leaving.” It's more a statement of fact than a question. 

She nods. “I got the all clear and the next transport leaves in…” she glances at her omnitool, “45 minutes.”

“So soon?” he can't quite bring himself to ask her to stay, for just one more night even.

She nods, “Better to get back into it as soon as I can.”

He nods his understanding. 

“So, hey listen, thanks for letting me stay here for these past two weeks. It's made this whole thing a lot better than it could have been. But…”

Garrus exhales a breath he didn't realize he was holding. 

“I don't think I will be coming back here anymore.”

“To the citadel?” 

“No, here, to this. I think it's time to call it quits.”

Logic outweighs Garrus’s first instinct, so instead of taking hold of her, instead of begging her to stay, he merely nods. This thing, whatever it was, wasn't meant to last. Honestly, a turian and a human, there would never be any future for them. Not together. 

Still when the door slides closed behind her he wonders what would have happened if he had asked her to stay. 


	4. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus joins the crew of the Normandy SR1.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two years after the last chapter

“Have you ever been to the citadel before?” 

Shepard cuts a sideways glance to the man who stands to her left. She tries to quell the touch of irritation she feels at his question. It's not fair, besides it's obviously his first time here based off his wide eyed reaction to the place. 

“I used to live here.”

“Really? That must have been great.”

Shepard shrugs, “It’s not as nice down in some of the wards as it is up here at the embassies. I didn't spend a lot of time around here.”

“Oh.” 

A fission of pain races over Shepard’s brain. She just barely keeps herself from crying out, from wincing in pain. It's not physical pain, but almost emotional, like all her hope, everything she loves, is being ripped away from her. It brings into sharp focus her purpose for being here. 

“Williams, Alenko, why don't you hang about down here for a bit. I'll go see the council with Captain Anderson.”

“Shouldn't we go with you?” This comes from Williams. 

She’s a practical sort and Shepard is inclined to like her.

“More humans isn't going to make the council more inclined to hear us out. Just explore a little bit, and uh, try to stay out of trouble.”

“You got it Commander.” Williams nudges Alenko and they peel off as Shepard begins the trek to the citadel tower. 

Garrus lets out a growl of frustration. Proof, he needs proof, something he would have if he didn’t have to go through all the red tape imposed on him by C-SEC. Over the years the constraints imposed by C-SEC had been the bane of his career but now, with this case,they were threatening the galaxy. 

“I just need you to authorize a search warrant on Saren’s communications.”

“You know I can't do that, Vakarian. Even if I did think there was something to your claims, Saren is a Spectre, only another Spectre can authorize an investigation into his affairs.” if Garrus couldn't read the irritation coming from Executor Palin from the low clicks coming from his subvocals the twitching of the turian’s mandibles would have tipped him off. 

That is the problem, they don’t believe him, don’t want to and without solid proof, what could he do. His attention is caught by a trio of humans entering the tower. Two males and a female. One of the males was the ambassador from earth, Udina, the other an officer in the Alliance based on his attire. It is the female that catches his attention the most. His heart seems to skip a beat. Farah. Garrus shakes his head slightly as if to erase the thought. Great, now he was going to start seeing her again. When they first ended their thing he would see her everywhere, any human that resembled her in the slightest had his heart racing and hope fluttering in his chest. But he hadn't done that for over a year now. 

The female glances over at him then and an expression of recognition passes over her face at the sight of him. It is her. Her attention is drawn back away by the men at her side and Garrus watches intently as they pass. She has come back to the citadel at last. 

Proof, she needs proof. Farah distractedly listens to the advice Captain Anderson and Ambassador Udina are doling out on what steps she could take next. A dull pain throbs over her head and underneath it all hums one word, Garrus. She hadn’t quite realized how keenly she missed him until she had seen him again. 

She nods along to Anderson’s instructions then off she goes. She brings Ashley up on her omnitool.

“Meet me at the base of the tower ASAP

“How’d the meeting go?” Kaiden pops into view. 

“I’ll tell you about it later.” She disconnects. 

Four hours later, Shepard finds herself standing outside of a small clinic down in Zakeera ward. It seems new but it has been a while since she had been down in these parts. The door slides open to admit their little group. Her attention snaps into combat mode the minute she senses the tension in the room. Four men, one holding a woman hostage, held guns. Mostly pointed towards the lone C-SEC officer who is crouched behind a hospital bed. Garrus. They are so focused on the man they don’t even see her enter, even with a Krogan behind her. 

Garrus aims, the shot had to be perfect, to save Dr. Michelle’s life. He squeezes the trigger and there is a pop as the gun goes off and the loud squelch as the round finds it's target. Dr. Michelle drops to the ground, shoving the now dead thug away from her. Now to deal with the other three. He swings his scope around but before he can even pull the trigger there’s three more pops and then three more thuds. He looks behind him to see what has happened. 

Farah. She calmly reholsters her pistol as she surveys the scene before her. There's a Krogan behind her, the one C-SEC had apprehended earlier in the day. He says something to her and she nods. Dr. Michelle is being helped to her feat by another human female. He comes to a stand and her gaze finally snaps to him. She doesn't say anything at first just raises her eyebrows in question. 

“Farah, nice to see you again.”

“Hello, Garrus.”

“You two know each other?” the woman asks distaste coloring her words. 

The Krogan coughs. 

“We've run into each other a couple of times.”

She glances away from him. “So, I've heard you've got some info on Saren.” 

“You're going after him too.”

“He’s tied to the massacre at Eden Prime but the council won't let me go after him unless I have solid proof. It's his word against mine right now and well, I'm human.” She gives a little shrug. 

“If it's proof you need, you'll need the Quarian, she’s got herself mixed up with Fist.” 

“Good, me and Fist have some unfinished business.” The Krogan states. 

“If you're going after Saren, I want to come with you. I've been trying to bring him down for months now.” 

She hesitates, he can almost see her brain working. 

“Williams, take Dr. Michelle to C-SEC and get a report filed, after that return to the Normandy.”

“But Commander.” 

Shepard levels a steady gaze at the woman. 

“Yes Commander.”

The two women leave. 

“Where’d you learn how to stare down someone like that?” the Krogan asks. 

Farah turns and grins at him. “An Asari bartender.”

It all goes surprisingly well, considering everything. Not smoothly by any stretch of the imagination, but still better than she expected. They got to Fist, who was now dead thanks to Wrex and his contract, not ideal but understandable. Found the Quarian, had to rescue her but she had the info. The council made her a Spectre, first human in the galaxy with the title, and authorized her to take command of the Normandy to hunt Saren down. Wrex had invited himself along, she didn't mind, it was always good to have a Krogan along if you were expecting a fight. Garrus had invited himself along as well. 

Farah leans against the wall of the lift. She can’t quite decide how she feels about that. There is after all, some history there, and a deeper well of feeling than she expected. Yet, they had worked together well. His more trained combat expertise is a good balance between her general punch first, ask questions later philosophy. He will be a good addition to the crew. It's not like he will be the first ex-something she worked with. 

The door slides open and she steps out onto the loading dock. A figure detaches itself from the shadows and approaches. Garrus. Her heart gives a little jump in excitement.

“Can I talk to you for a moment, Shepard?” he addresses her like most people do, especially in the alliance. 

She turns to him, tilting her head back to look him in the face. Ignoring the temptation to draw him back into the shadows and run her lips along his neck like she used to do. 

“Sure, what’s up?”

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay with me coming on board. We have some… history together and I don't want it to interfere with the mission.”

Shepard chuckles. “Believe me, there are very few things that can interfere with a mission for me. I don't see how anything in our past would bar us from working well together. Besides, it will be nice to have a friend along.”

“We were never really friends were we?”

“We could have been. So what do you say, friends?” She offers him her hand. 

Garrus studies her for a moment then slips his hand into hers giving it a firm shake. “Friends.”

When Farah had offered him friendship he wasn't sure what that meant for her. He just knew what it didn't mean. Though subtle, the message was clear, there would be no resuming the physical intimacies they once shared. 

Though sex was clearly off the table, he hadn't been prepared for the other intimacies she shared with those she called her friends. She made no secret of the fact that she preferred the company of him and Wrex on her missions, something the human members of the crew seemed to object to. She didn't seem to pay them much mind though. Then there is the talking. She frequently found her way to the loading dock and over to where he tinkered with their landing vehicle. She would either lean up against the wheel or squat down to where he was, giving an occasional helping hand, and just talk. They talked about missions, about their parents, about their work. Things that had previously been off topic. He had learned more about her in the three weeks he had been aboard the Normandy than he had known the entire duration of their previous arrangement, even those last two weeks at the end where he had discovered a previously unknown side to her. 

While he had admired her combat prowess before he had come to admire her on a much higher level now that he was working with her. She is a good commander, nearly single minded to the task set before her, but not at the sacrifice of her crew. While she quelled any talk against him and the other non-humans onboard she listens to her crew’s concerns. She takes the time to talk with each of them individually. She is fair with her dealings as well. Often choosing the less confrontational route when dealing with problems. She is willing to go the extra mile to make things better, to do things right, when she could have just bludgeoned her way through. When she did fight though, it was a thing of beauty. All grace and violence. 

The only problem is, knowing all this about her, coming to know her like this, it made his physical craving for her even more acute. He was constantly holding himself in check. Making sure he isn't touching her inappropriately, clamping down his natural subharmonic responses to her. Sometimes it is nearly impossible to sleep knowing she is only a couple of decks above him, sleeping without his arm around her waist. 

Luckily no one but Wrex seems to notice the tension between them. The two have become friends despite all odds. He had only brought it up once. 

“What’s with you and the Commander?” the Krogan had asked. 

Garrus reluctantly drags his eyes from Farah’s disappearing figure. 

“What are you talking about? She’s the Commander and she’s my friend.”

“Right, and that's why you clamp down your subvocals every time she gets within ten feet of you.”

Garrus looks sharply at the Krogan. “I don't know what you are talking about.” He states before turning his attention back to the gear ratios he was fiddling with.

Wrex laughs. “I may be old, but my hearing is pretty sharp. Look, I get it, if she was Krogan and maybe a couple hundred years older I'd be far from uninterested. But a human and a Turian, it would never work, so the sooner you get over this the better.”

Garrus hums, neither in agreement or disagreement. It hadn't worked, not like he had wanted it, not for forever but it didn't keep him from hoping it could. 


	5. Virmire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus and Shepard have a moment before Virmire

Garrus opens the door of the Mako and starts to climb inside. He wants to check the control panel one last time before they set down on Virmire. He let out a trill of surprise when his hand lands on something soft. 

“Oof.” 

He looks down and finds himself staring into the sleepy eyes of Farah. His hand is splayed across her chest. He quickly pulls away and she gives him a half smile. 

“Here, I'll scoot over, just don't tell anyone I am here.” 

Garrus nods, following her movements as she lifts herself into the passenger seat. He then slides into the driver side, pulling the door shut behind him. 

“What are you doing in here?”

“Hiding.”

“From anyone in particular?”

“Ashley and Kaiden. Ash keeps wanting to go over our strategy again. She’s a good soldier but far too concerned with going by the book. And Kaiden, he wants to talk about feelings again.”

“You don't want to talk about feelings?”

“Not with Kaiden.” She sighs, “He just really buys into the talk therapy stuff and I don't. Nothing against him personally.”

“Talk therapy?” 

“It’s a human thing, talking about all our emotions and stuff, supposed to help with our heads. They tried to make me go after Elysium.”

“Talking to someone doesn't help.”

She doesn't answer right away. She tilts her head and her eyes go unfocused. He waits for her to answer, studying her face. 

“It does help, I just have to choose the person that I want to talk to.”

There’s something unnameable in the air between them. Something solid.

“Who do you talk to then?”

She leans back in the seat, letting her eyes drift close. She looks tired, she never lets herself look tired. 

“I guess I talk to you.” She finally answers

Garrus doesn't even try to stop the trill of happiness that rises in his chest. She smiles and he turns his attention to the control console to prevent himself from doing something stupid, something a friend wouldn't do. Several moments pass the silence between them heavy with unspoken things. 

“I missed you, you know. Every time I left you, I missed you. The last time was the worst though.”

“You could have come back. I would have let you in.”

“I know.”

“Why didn't you?” 

Silence yawns between them and he counts her breaths while he waits for her to answer. Twenty.

“You started to feel like home.”

Farah can feel the vibration of the rumble Garrus releases in response to her answer. He says nothing in words she can understand though. She waits, unsure if she should explain herself more, unsure if she can. It was the truth though, she left because he had begun to feel like home and it scared her. She had only felt that one other time in her life and it had been ripped away from her. 

There's a rustle of movement and she lets out a sigh of relief when he touches her cheek. She doesn't even realize she's been crying until he smooths away her tears with his fingers. She feels a tug on her body and lets herself be pulled into his lap, lets him wrap his arms around her, lets her head be tucked under her chin. 

“You should rest. We’ll be in Virmire’s orbit in a couple of hours.”

She lets herself relax, lets herself sleep. 

Virmire is a pleasant place. Would be really nice if it wasn't for the geth, and Saren, and the brainwashed Krogan clones. 

“I've got to talk to him.”

Him being Wrex, a very angry Wrex.

“I don't think that is a good idea.”

She pats him on the shoulder. 

“I'll be alright.”

He watches her approach the Krogan. Ashley comes to stand next to him. 

“That's not a good idea.” She states. 

“She says it will be alright.”

Ashley snorts and stalks off to talk to Kaiden. Garrus keeps his eyes trained on the scene unfolding between Farah and Wrex. Which is why, when Wrex pulls his gun, his is out and trained towards Wrex. She must be aware of this on some level though. She shuffles to the right. He can’t shoot without hitting her. Moments pass and he spends it tense, waiting for her to move, waiting for Wrex to put down his gun. 

Wrex lowers his gun and Farah gives him a sturdy slap on the shoulder. Garrus holsters his gun before she turns around. She passes by Garrus and gives him a reassuring smile. There is a hint of a wobble in it though. 

“See, everything was alright, I gotta talk to Kirrae now.”

Garrus nods. As she disappears into the prefab to talk to the Major he crosses to Wrex. The krogan has calmed down now but he still grumbles to himself. 

“What do you want?” he growls out. 

“Nothing. Just one thing though. If you ever threaten Shepard again.” Garrus drops his voice and a threatening rumble builds in his chest, “I will not hesitate to bring you down.”

Wrex lets out a hearty laugh. “I’ll remember that kid. You’ve certainly got it bad for her don’t you?”

Garrus doesn’t respond. He just steps away to prepare for the mission. 

“Commander, I could use a little help. We’re pinned down here.”

Ashley wouldn't call unless she truly needed help. 

“You guys go, I can handle this.” Kaiden says from where he is crouched reconfiguring the bomb. 

Farah squeezes her eyes shut, her brain trying to work out the best strategy. 

“No, you go with Garrus and Wrex, I’ll finish this up. Go get Ashley.”

Kaiden starts to protest. 

“That was an order lt.” 

The trio starts to leave but Garrus lingers behind. 

“Stay alive, Farah.”

She glances up at him. “You too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, even if they aren't a huge feature in this fic I still refuse to let Ashley or Kaiden die.


	6. Risks Taken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard finds solace in Garrus before they arrive on Ilos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's sex in this chapter too.

The council is not happy with her. The alliance is not happy with her. Ashley and Kaiden are not happy with her. Liara and Tali are not happy with her. Their reasons, numerous and varied, all boil down to the same question: why take the risk? 

Pain races across her head and she squeezes her eyes shut against the onslaught of images. Against the pain, the loss. A warning, barely comprehensible thanks to the cipher. When it passes, she opens her eyes again only to see a pair of turian legs standing in front of her. 

“Are you okay?”

She tilts her head back so she can see his face. Garrus towers over her from her position seated on the floor.

“No. Have you come to tell me you're mad at me too?”

Garrus shakes his head and motions for her to move over. As she does he squats and sits beside her. 

“Do I have a reason to be mad at you?”

“Everyone else seems to be. The council and the alliance aren't happy with how I dealt with Virmire. Ashley’s upset because I won't” she does air quotes with her hands, “ sit down and come up with a decent strategy. Kaiden thinks I don't trust him because of his L2 implants. Liara and Tali are mad because I ‘took an unnecessary risk’. And Wrex is still mad about the clones. He says he isn't but he's still mad. So what do you have for me?”

He leans over and presses his mouth against her hair then he sits back against the lockers. 

“It wasn't an unnecessary risk you took. You took out the facility and everyone got out alive. Your strategy was sound. From what I gather, you sent Kaiden with Wrex and I because he can't handle himself solo in battle as well as you can. He’s not a bad soldier, he just works better in a team. I can't speak to your Alliance, but the council is a bunch of bureaucratic morons who wouldn't know how to get their way out of a paper bag, much less how to deal with an imminent approach of giant murderous machines bent on genocide.” 

She relaxes against the lockers titling her body so it leans towards him. 

“Thank you.” She whispers. 

The comm buzzes and Jokers voice comes over the speakers. 

“Commander, Anderson is waiting for you on the citadel.”

She releases a long sigh and pushes herself to her feet. Who knows, maybe it's good news. She gives Garrus a slight smile before she turns and leaves. 

That's the moment he knows he loves her. Oh, he had a sneaking suspicion that that was what it was coming to but it's the moment she relaxes against him and whispers her thanks that he knows he's in love. Knows that he would follow wherever she led, even if it is through the very gates of hell. 

“They are never going to promote me to admiral after this, are they?” 

“You want the truth, Shepard?”

She nods. 

“Your career in the Alliance ended the moment they made you a Spectre.”

“Right.”

She’s disappointed, even a little angry. She never wanted the spectre position in the first place. But underneath it all is an unexpected emotion. Relief and a sense of freedom. She is now free of all the little rules she had imposed on herself. Free to stop holding herself back. Free to let the devotion to the Alliance go. There are more important things now, more important people. 

When Garrus opens the door to the Mako he peers inside before climbing in. 

“Hiding again?” he asks

Farah shrugs, “Maybe. Maybe I was just waiting for you.

He closes the door behind him plunging the interior of the Mako into darkness. The only light comes from the bluish glow of the control console. 

“Which one was it?”

“Mostly waiting for you.”

Garrus can't clamp down on his trill of interest before it fills the tiny space. She stretches her arm out to him and he captures her hand in his. 

“Farah, are we still friends?”

“Yes.”

“Can we not be just friends, just for a little while?” 

She turns her head towards him and squeezes his hand. 

“We can be whatever you want, for as long as you want.”

“Good.” 

He tugs her arm and she comes towards him till she’s on his lap, legs straddling his hips. 

“Because I kind of want to be lovers right now.”

She smiles down at him, her hands coming up to hold his head. 

“I was hoping you might.”

She presses her mouth against his. It's something they've never really done before. He feels her tongue against his plates and he opens his mouth slightly, letting the tip of his tongue touch hers. To his surprise, she sucks it into her mouth and tangles it together with her. She moans against him as his hands begin their exploration of her body. She breaks away from their kiss to allow him to draw her shirt over her head and she resumes kissing him after. Down his chin, to his neck, her clever fingers playing with the sensitive flesh between their plates. It's familiar but different at the same time. He still knows where to stroke, how to make her make those little sounds. He frees her breasts from her bra and she lets out a deep moan of pleasure as he lifts them in his hands, his thumbs caressing over her nipples. She leans back to offer them to the exploration of his tongue. She tastes of salt and sweetness and danger. 

She grips one of his arms to steady herself, hips rocking over his. 

“Garrus, please.”

His hands find the fastening that keeps her pants around her waist and undoes it down to where it opens over her crotch. Practical pants meant to provide easy access while someone was in full armor. He dips a finger into her folds, finding the little nub of nerve endings that causes her to writhe in his arms. She presses against his hand seeking her pleasure. He shifts his touch lower, dipping into her, stroking, feeling her slick tightness. 

“Garrus.” there's a note of warning in her voice now. She knows what she wants, and she’s over being polite about it. 

He reaches down and unfastens his pants, letting his erection spring free. Then he repositions her, posing her over his cock. She glances down then back to his face, then, bringing her hands up to hold his head again, she sinks down. 

It's all he can do to keep himself from coming right then. It's been so long. Two years since he's been with her. Two long dry miserable years. She begins to ride him. Slow at first, then with increasing urgency. He grips her ass, helping her keep her pace, dipping his head to nip at her neck, to nuzzle that place behind her ear. All while trying to focus on holding himself back, waiting for her to come first. 

When she does it is spectacular, her hands clench his shoulders and she throws her head back letting out a soft cry of pleasure, her inner muscles convulsing around his shaft. He follows right behind her. 

She leans forward and he wraps her in his arms, relishing the feel of her there. Her breathing evens out them she lets out a sigh, pulling away from him. 

“We should get cleaned up, we'll be arriving in Ilos soon.” 

She reaches over and plucks her bra from the nearby headrest. 

“So, friends again?”

“Garrus, nothing could stop me from being your friend, but I think we both want, no need, something more than that.” She pulls her shirt down over her head and refastens her pants. “Do you want that?”

He reaches up to cup her face in his hands. 

“Farah, you're human, and I'm turian. This won't be easy. People will hate it. Think about what your Alliance would do if they found out.”

“My career in the Alliance was dead the moment they made me a Spectre, but it doesn't matter. Even if they promised to make me an admiral tomorrow, I couldn't do it. Not after getting to know you like I have. It may be the stupidest thing I've done, but Garrus, you’re my home. And if I've learned one thing from these visions, you don't take that for granted.” 

She holds his gaze, holding her breath for his answer. 

“You should go before we end up without clothes again.”

She snickers, before kissing him one more time and then climbing out of the Mako.


	7. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We skip forward in time to see how Garrus is coping with Shepard's death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually couldn't bring myself to write about Garrus losing Shepard, so this is just the aftermath.

Garrus wakes up with a gasp, bolting upright from his bed. It's the dream again, the same one he's had for the last two years. Farah reaching for him, through the flames and debris, trying to say something he can't make out. Then she’s blown away, sucked into the vacuum of space. 

They had had two weeks together after Ilos, after the citadel attack. Two weeks of sneaking kisses, of waking up with her in his arms. Two weeks of planning future things. Then in the space of 2 minutes she was gone. They hadn't even been able to recover her body from the wreckage of the Normandy. He had never told her that he loved her. 

Garrus stands and stretches, his spine popping. His bed here on Omega is not as comfortable as the one he had on the citadel, it's smaller, cramped. It doesn't matter though. He had tried going back to C-SEC, hoping the work would let him move past his grief. But the regulations, the bureaucracy had frustrated him to the point of no return. So he left, found himself on Omega, founded a small band of mercenaries bent on bringing justice to the place. 

Even the treachery, the gun fights, the pissing off of three mercenary bands, even all that couldn't ease Farah from his mind. Couldn't stop the ache that was constantly with him. There's a buzz at his door. Sidonis, time to get back to work. 

Pain races through her body but she can't even move to tighten herself against it. Did she make it, did they make it, was he okay? She struggles to open her eyes but there's light, and more pain. Then the voice penetrates her conscience. 

“Shapard wake up.” female and insistent “Shepard wake up.”

An alarm wails and she manages to roll to her side, to push herself up on the narrow bed. She tries to open her eyes again. The light still hurts but she adjusts, begins to understand the room. A hospital, maybe. Not quite like any hospital she knows, but some familiar equipment. She swings her legs over the side of the bed but when she goes to stand, her legs refuse to support her. She falls, catching herself on the cart next to her bed. Pain screeches through her body. 

“Shepard, you need to go.” the voice again. 

She grits her teeth against the pain and forces herself to stand. She scans the room and finds what appears to be an armor locker. Crossing to it is agony but it’s unlocked and contains clothes and armor that fit her. It also has a gun. She ignores the pain as she pulls herself into her clothes. 

“There’s a door in front of you.” the voice again, guiding, pushing her along. She follows where it leads. 

Betrayal, it cuts deeper than a knife, deeper than the bullet that glanced off of his side. Sidonis, he would pay. Funny, he had a reason to stay alive now. 

Trust. She can't trust anyone around. She can't even trust herself. How did they bring her back? Why did they bring her back? 

Anderson doesn't trust her, not anymore. She can see it in his eyes. Still he helps her get her spectre status back. He trusts in the memory of her. 

Every waking moment is spent in tension, waiting to understand what is going on, waiting to understand what she is. Her nights are spent in pain. The physical slowly decreasing as her body heals from whatever they did to her, from dying. But the nightmares, they are constant. 

Sometimes, it's reliving her death. The flames, the chaos, being pulled into space, suffocating. Dreams that pull her from sleep, gasping for air. Sometimes it's the ones from before, the reapers, the destruction, the loss of any hope. Dreams where she wakes, face wet with tears. 

The worst ones are when she dreams of him. Of his touches, his kisses, the words he said. Dreams where she wakes and reaches for him, only to find the bed empty. Dreams that leave her with an unfathomable ache. 

When she reads the dossier, she almost snorts at the name. “The Archangel” how incredibly corny. But Tim wants the best and on paper this guy is the best. Ridiculous moniker and all. 

This is it, he’s not going to make it. There’s just too many, he’s going to run out of bullets before they run out of bodies to throw at him. Another round of mercenaries surges over the barrier. He lines up his shot, except, before he can pull the trigger the man falls. He watches as a trio of mercenaries cuts down the ones in front of them. The one who has point is the one who captures his attention though. Precision and barely controlled anger. She cuts through the crowd. His heart thumps, almost as if it is coming alive again. 

He waits for them to climb the stairs, waits for the woman to strip off her helmet. Shepard. Her hair is gone, and angry red scars race across her skin. But it is her, it has to be. Right?

He just manages to stop himself from running towards her. Think logically. Farah is dead, you watched it happen. But, they never found the body. Could it be?

She presses her lips into a thin line as she addresses him. Professional, reserved, like they've only ever been colleagues. She gives orders to the two others. But she moves the same, does exactly what the Shepard he knows would do in this situation. He decides to trust, for now. 

She tries to hold herself still, tries to listen to what Miranda and Jacob are telling her, but only one thing occupies her thoughts. Garrus. 

Is he okay? When that rocket hit she almost shattered into a thousand pieces, unsure if he was alive. Now she was unsure if he would make it. Mordin was with him now. Garrus. Anger wars with concern inside her. What the fuck was he thinking? Why did he put himself at risk like that? Why, why, Why? 

Someone enters the room and she turns expecting to see Mordin, instead it's Garrus. 

Garrus. That's when she knows, without a single doubt, that she loves him. 

She follows him into the elevator and punches the button to the captain’s quarters before he can make a move to select otherwise. When the door slides closed she explodes. 

“What the fuck were you thinking, Garrus. I die and your solution is to go start a little vigilante band on Omega and piss off three of the biggest mercenary bands in the galaxy. You could have died, you almost did. Oh, god, what would I have done if you died.” she’s crying now and the hope inside Garrus goes from a flicker to a full blaze. 

It's her, actually her. He knows because she's standing there, crying in front of him, without any shame. She only cries in front of him. She told him so, after the citadel. The elevator door slides open and she captures his hand in hers, pulling him into the room, still yelling, still crying, but once the door slides shut, she's also kissing him. 

“I'm so angry with you.” she says as he lifts her and turns so she is pinned against the door. Followed by “Yes, right there.” as he nuzzles the side of her neck. 

“You're so stupid.” as she pulls the shirt over his head, pressing her already bare flesh against his. 

“Why would you do that?” as he carries her to the bed. 

“How could I live without you?” as he enters into her. 

“Don't stop.” as he drives into her, fast and hard. 

“Garrus.” as she comes apart around him.

“l love you.” as she relaxes into sleep. 

She doesn't hear his response, but it doesn't matter because he plans to say it over and over. 

“I love you.”

It doesn't stay a secret this time. She doesn't even try. She holds his hand during meetings, kisses him before every mission. Tells him she loves him during gunfights. Gone are the days where he would suppress his subharmonics in her presence. Those who can hear them know of his love for her, his trill of joy when she walks into the room, his rumble of appreciation when she leaves, the thrum of arousal when she touches him. 

“They are so cute.” Kasumi gushes to Tali who nods in appreciation. 

“Its weird right?” Miranda asks Jacob, “a turian and a human.” 

Jacob shrugs, “I've seen weirder.”

“A love like that is rare. It is good that they seem to appreciate it.” Thane comments to Samara. 

“It is good that loss hasn't destroyed them.” 

“She was holding Garrus’s hand right? I didn't hallucinate that?” Kaiden asks Ashley after Horizon.

“You do know they were together before, right?” She replies 

“Her relationship with the turian is inadvisable.” Hackett mentions to Anderson

“Good luck telling her that.”

“A proper translation matrix for turian subvocals may go a long way to improving turian human relations… maybe not.” Mordin mutters to himself. 

Farah doesn't care what they say, good or bad, because when she wakes up from the nightmares He’s there when she reaches for him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's actually some more to this fic, like more fluffy stuff. I'll finish it someday.


End file.
